Babes, spicing things up in the bedroom may be uncomfortable for some, but it will increase your enjoyment in the bedroom. Communication is key when it comes to sex and can foster deeper bonds, says experts and Mzansi as they share their bedroom tips and tricks.
When it comes to bedroom language, there are so many factors to consider that some people find it challenging, especially to bedroom ideologies and fetish.
Communicate your needs
Regarding bedroom recommendations, it is preferable to use a courteous, well-researched approach. According to Nobathembu Peters, a former digital sex worker from Makhaza, Cape Town, it is a reasonable question for anybody to want to know where one’s ideas come from or why one suddenly wants to try something new.
“There shouldn’t even be kink-shaming around sex suggestions, and there is no ABC, XYZ guide for what couples should do in their own private space.”
Peters suggests couples be careful of sex devices. Sex toys, particularly those that trigger orgasms, are very addictive. Some people, once they reach orgasms, it may be difficult for them to offer their spouse the attention and intimacy they want.
“We must be considerate to the next person. While in love, it is important to remember that your lover might not share all your tastes.”
“Your spouse may alter his or her mind in the following hour and say, ‘I’d want to try this’; it doesn’t make them bad people; they’re simply experimenting and establishing intimacy with their partners.”
Share your sexual fantasies!
Brian Mxinwa of, a Boland College student from Worcester in the Western Cape, feels that communication and the use of gestures or signals to inform your partner of your sexual needs are crucial in a relationship. He believes that timing may be advantageous during sexual conversations with your person.
“Over a bottle of wine or a movie with relevant content would be the ideal moment to advise a little naughtiness without being seen as a nasty person.”
As important as communication is with your lover, it may be challenging and awkward due to how your partner may interpret your suggestions, adds Mxinwa.
No one wants to have sexual hunger while their partner is there!
Sex satisfaction is an emotional component in a relationship, according to media personality Linda Magazi from Cacadu in the Eastern Cape. Therefore, it is not something to take for granted.
It’s important to learn your partner’s preferences and inclinations before initiating a sexual encounter to ensure a mutually satisfying experience.
“Some persons, after having intercourse, may indulge in masturbation since the other person has already experienced the climax and they aren’t paying any attention to their partner’s satisfactory.
“We all have our priorities when it comes to finding a life partner, and if your spouse isn’t checking all your boxes in the bedroom and you’re doing nothing to fix it, a gap is certain to form,” adds Magazi.
“Imagine if every time you have sex you don’t reach orgasm, whose sex is it, yours, mine, or ours? Intimate experiences should provide joy to both partners.”
Sex quantity vs. quality
Every couple enjoy their sexual encounters in their own unique way. According to Nu Davidson, a sex educator and intimacy coach, some people may get by with having sex once a month while others can have it every day and yet feel a void.
“What someone chooses to do in their bedroom, doesn’t require anyone’s opinion, not unless they are invited in it.”
Let’s say there is a couple, and one of them desires anal play.
Maintain courteous and kind language and word choices. Instead of saying, “I don’t believe you’re into this”, you might just simply state instead; “oh that is not for me, I am not comfortable doing it”. Davidson adds that by doing so, you are expressing no without being judgmental.
There is no optimal quantity of sex in a day, week, or year. You’d learn that some people who have had sex twice a year and say it’s the greatest sex they’ve ever had. Davidson says that’s all they need.
“Intimacy is the most crucial part in building foundation of the connective successful relationship, because with intimacy you learn to ask each other how intimacy looks like to you and that is unique to every individual, because they’re unique individuals.”
Holding hands or cuddling on the couch is a common expression of intimacy for certain couples. Long conversations, sitting in comfortable silence, or physical touch may be intimate to certain people. Davidson adds that it depends on each person or couple.
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