This June 16th brings a unique convergence – a day to celebrate the power of youth and the resilience of fatherhood. The presence and involvement of a father are essential in a child’s development, providing security, guidance, and a positive example of healthy relationships.
Without a father figure, children may struggle with various issues, such as identity problems, low self-esteem, and difficulties in forming intimate relationships. To shed light on this, Health For Mzansi spoke to young men. They share their experiences with absentee fathers, health concerns, and what fatherhood means to them personally.
Prioritising family
Siyabonga Khusela, a social activist and young father from Cape Town’s kwaLanga, admits that having a child wasn’t planned. However, upon learning he was going to be a father, he had to reconsider how to balance this new responsibility with his current lifestyle.
Khusela mentions that he didn’t have a good relationship with his own father, though they are now becoming closer.
“I feel like we missed out on many things we should have done and talked about a long time ago.”
He notes that being a father means prioritising the child and the mother, making time for them, and giving them full attention, care, and love.
“Unfortunately, there is no manual but knowing the emptiness of a parent’s absence makes me strive to be the most present father I can be for my child,” he adds.
Self-love is health
Latie Mtana, a nurse at Khayelitsha Day Hospital in Cape Town, says as a nurse who has worked in the youth clinic, it is concerning how young people don’t take protected sex seriously.
“We end up having STIs. Some are manageable, but some are not because most black men rarely go to health facilities for their health issues.”
Mtana adds that irresponsible fatherhood is a pandemic of its own, leaving mothers to raise their children alone. This doesn’t only affect the mothers, but also the children who grow up without the presence of their fathers.
He also notes that self-love is essential for health and needs to be taken seriously. Self-love plays a vital role in people’s lives, and Mtana suggests activities such as getting pedicures, body massages, attending breathing classes, practising yoga, going to the gym, meditating, and adopting an overall healthy lifestyle.
“Taking time to reflect on yourself is healthy. Through that, you might heal from something you didn’t believe mattered.”
Standing up against abuse
Zamokuhle Masondo from Johannesburg, Gauteng, shares that while his father was physically present, he was also emotionally absent. Throughout his childhood, his mother was the active parent, handling life’s challenges alone.
“He didn’t really know my siblings and me; he didn’t know our needs or who we were,” Masondo says.
“His role was solely as a provider, focusing all his energy on ensuring we had a roof over our heads, clothes, a car, and some toys.”
He explains that there was abuse at home, recalling experiencing domestic violence at the age of six. This chain of events led to depression in his twenties.
“I physically fought my father in my twenties to protect my mother. He ended up fearing me. I regret what I did, but I felt I had no choice – the abuse had to stop.”
He finds it hard to forgive himself for these events, which still hurt him every day. Although they don’t speak, his father is still alive.
“When I become a parent, I hope to be fully present for my children, to know them and bless them with my presence.”
Masondo hopes to find peace and reconcile with his father one day. He believes these life lessons motivate him to do better for his own future family, as some wounds are hard to heal.
Relishing role of stepfather
Sihlesethu Erasmus from Osizweni in KwaZulu-Natal tells Health For Mzansi that he became a stepfather while still in grade 12. Initially, he felt shy and unsure about his new role, but his love for his partner and her child won out.
“When I became a stepfather at a young age, I was shy about it but I was happy to be in love with someone who had been through a lot. I treated her firstborn as my own, and we’re still happy together. God even blessed us with a daughter, so now I have two kids.
“From the experience I have gained from being a stepchild to becoming a stepfather, I never saw a problem with being a stepdad. I treat both my children equally because I never want my stepdaughter to feel that I’m not her biological father. I love them both; they are my first priority.”
Giving your children hope
Keenan Patrick from Pretoria shares how he embarked on an unexpected journey of fatherhood at the age of 20. Despite the initial shock, he has risen to the challenge and discovered the true meaning of sacrifice and responsibility.
“I did not plan on being a father, so it’s been a very challenging journey but it’s also the best thing to ever happen to me. Being a father has taught me that life is all about sacrifice and giving your young ones hope, even if it means giving your last,” shares Patrick.
“I don’t have a relationship with my father, but I do have a stepfather and that has taught me how to love my son and what it means to be a father,” Patrick says.
Advocating for fathers in healthcare
For Dr Thanduxolo Cele from Durban, his life took a significant turn when he became a father in 2017 while still a student. Seven years later, he reflects on the joys and challenges of parenthood and his passion for advocating for involved fatherhood.
“Being a father has been a pleasant responsibility for the most part. I think that’s mostly attributed to the fact that my son has proven to be a sweet boy. His existence has been a motivation for me.”
“I definitely have concerns with time. I feel I am missing out a lot on his upbringing, and I’m missing out on influencing him more. I started my paediatric rotation three days after my son was born, and seeing unwell newborns and toddlers gave me a fright. I worried about what I would do if my son were unwell and how I could best prevent it.”
Cele’s experience in paediatrics left him with a deep appreciation for the fragility of life and a desire to prevent harm. Furthermore, as a father in the health field, he says he has come to appreciate that fathers actually want to be involved.
“Currently, the setting in public service makes it difficult for fathers to be involved in labour processes. It has therefore been my passion to work towards advocating for settings that would allow male counterparts to be part of the labour in public hospitals.”
ALSO READ: A day in the not-so-normal life of a single father
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