Fundiswa Dlokweni from Maclear in Tsolo, Eastern Cape, found a new purpose and a sense of hope through a home-based care course. She became a caregiver after a difficult and painful period in her life, during which she was trapped in an abusive marriage.
Dlokweni’s story is proof of the human spirit’s ability to rise from the ashes. Raised in a religious household, she was taught that divorce was a sin, but within the walls of her own home, she faced abuse and violence.
Pain lived
Her dreams of becoming a social worker were put on hold as she struggled to find a way out of her situation. She eventually found a home-based care course that gave her a new lease on life.
“I clung to my faith and hoped that my ex-husband would see the error of his ways. But as the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, I began to see that my hopes were in vain.”
“While there were warning signs early on in the marriage, I felt compelled to make it work, as I was taught that divorce was against my religion. No matter how much I prayed or pleaded, his behaviour didn’t change.”
The beliefs instilled in her by her family and community led to her getting married at the age of 21. For those around her, it was a sign of maturity and achievement. However, she later came to understand that she may not have been ready for marriage, let alone to an abusive man, who would paint a smile to the outside world.
She shares with Health for Mzansi that she suffered through many forms of abuse in her marriage, including emotional, physical, and financial abuse.
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Survived a terrible situation
Dlokweni says her hopes for her ex-husband to become a better person were gradually crushed over seven years when the abuse only worsened over time.
She came to understand that her hopes of change were unfounded and that continuing to stay in the marriage was destroying her well-being.
She recalls several incidents of abuse at the hands of her ex-husband, including one instance in which he attempted to kill her by suffocating her with a pillow. He also used handcuffs to restrain her on multiple occasions.
These events were deeply traumatising, and she describes them as some of the darkest moments of her life.
“I remember having suicidal thoughts and eventually contemplating suicide. I felt alone and lost in the hand of the man whom I truly believed would protect me.”
At the age of 23, she was diagnosed with depression. As the years went by, she felt her will to live fading, and the road ahead seemed increasingly bleak. She was struggling to find reasons to keep going, and her mental health was suffering, she explains.
Finding an escape
Dlokweni’s decision to pursue a career in caregiving was driven by her desire to find fulfilment and purpose in her life. After exploring various options in 2011, she decided to pursue a caregiving course at the Bergzicht Training Centre in Stellenbosch.
She felt a deep connection to this work, as it allowed her to fulfil her innate desire to help others. In addition to the practical skills she gained from the training, she also experienced a profound sense of healing and inner transformation.
“The most fulfilling part of my job is knowing that I have the power to bring joy and comfort to others. I take pride in being a trustworthy and dependable companion, someone who others can rely on to be there for them.”
Despite the stigma surrounding the caregiving profession, Dlokweni found that the course was a source of healing and renewal for her. It gave her a sense of purpose and meaning in life at a time when she needed it the most.
Since completing the training, she has worked in a variety of settings, from hospices to hospitals to private homes. Even after nine years, she continues to find joy and purpose in her work, helping others in their time of need.
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