Men have long been told that real men don’t cry, and that vulnerability is a sign of weakness. But what if vulnerability was a strength, and could lead to healing and personal growth?
There is a growing movement to redefine what it means to be a man, and to recognise that mental health is an important aspect of masculinity, explains Babalo Tsoni, a public speaker based in Pinelands, Cape Town.
Address the stigma
He notes that this new understanding of masculinity is necessary for the health and well-being of men and for the progress of society as a whole.
“With a rising movement to support men’s emotional well-being, there is an opportunity to shed light on organisations and initiatives that are doing vital work in this area.”
Babalo Tsoni
Tackling mental health challenges among men requires a comprehensive approach that addresses the barriers they face in accessing support. This includes addressing stigma, promoting open communication, increasing the availability of services, encouraging self-care practices, and teaching emotional literacy from a young age, adds Tsoni.
“By taking these steps, we can make a significant impact on men’s mental health and help them navigate the challenges they face in the modern world.”
‘We are just as emotional’
Jacques de Lange, a board member of The Great People of South Africa based in Goodwood, Cape Town, says that society’s expectations around men’s vulnerability can be a major roadblock to their mental health.
By recognising that men are just as emotional as anyone else, they can start to shift the culture and create a space where men feel comfortable seeking help
“A man is strong and the head of the family and should act that way. We are not taught to be vulnerable or share our feelings.”
He says, “We are taught to keep it to ourselves, and ‘man up’. In many cases, even myself, I keep a lot of feelings bottled up. As men, we are afraid to be vulnerable and share our feelings due to us being scared of how the rest of society is going to react.”
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The cultural pressure to conform to a traditional definition of masculinity can be a barrier to men’s mental health. These expectations, which emphasise stoicism and strength, discourage men from seeking help when they need it, shares De Lange. According to him, these pressures are what stand in the way of men taking care of their mental health.
“Make mental health programmes for men more accessible. Create an environment where men can feel safe to speak about their mental health issues, without being judged by society.”
De Lange believes that the stigma around men’s mental health is not necessarily tied to their ethnicity or heritage, but rather to the cultural expectations of masculinity.
He adds, “Teach men that is okay to not be okay. Assure men that there is nothing wrong with sharing their feelings and experiences.”
Societal expectations
According to Sandile Radebe, a lecturer in educational psychology at the University of KwaZulu-Natal, the pressure to conform to traditional gender roles is not just found in the family, but also in the school, church, and community. This pressure is deeply ingrained in the culture, making it difficult for boys to break free of these expectations.
“Society’s expectations of what a man must be can leave boys feeling trapped and isolated. If we want to improve men’s mental health, we need to give them the space to be themselves.”
Sandile Radebe
Society has a narrow definition of what it means to be a man, and this can have a chilling effect on men’s willingness to express themselves honestly and freely, he says.
Maintaining norms, such as being the provider, is another strain on men. Even in romantic partnerships, men are expected to play a large role financially, to be protectors, and to offer comfort, all of these standards put pressure on men, says Radebe.
Looking at the suicide rate, Radebe believes men are more prone because they bottle their feelings within, but women are less likely since their emotions are accepted by society, such as crying out loud, shouting, and being vulnerable.
Conditioning males in a certain compressed box kills men, according to him. He says that if the community can start in the families to raise children, not a girl or a boy child, but children with equal sentiments, and build a culture that is fair to all parties, the entire society would adapt. We’d save a boy child, one step at a time, he says.
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