Being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness or life-limiting condition can be frightening for patients and their families. Kraaifontein nurse Daphne Ockhuis knows all too well how hard it is to navigate the grief after a loved one’s diagnosis and how palliative care is essential in treatment.
In 2019 Ockhuis had to come to terms with her own father’s stage four lung cancer diagnosis. She understood the fears her father and family faced at the time of his diagnosis. This is how she discovered her own desire to provide palliative care support for other families.
“It gave us as a family time to communicate and come to terms with mortality,” says Ockhuis.
Palliative care provides people with the opportunity to spend quality time with their loved ones during illness and disease.
“It also helps your family to navigate the health system and reduces stress. This service is close to my heart, and I hope to provide support and comfort to all families who need it,” says Ockhuis.
‘Healthcare on wheels’
Palliative care services can look different for every patient, says Ockhuis, but the goal remains the same: to improve the quality of life of patients who are facing daily challenges due to living with a life-threatening illness such as cancer, organ failure, or dementia.
It however is not always limited to these conditions. Nurses like Ockhuis describe the service as “healthcare on wheels” as it brings services to patients’ doorsteps.
“Believe it or not, palliative care is an extra blanket of care and is not confined to a hospice building. Despite being a scary thought, palliative care focuses on the holistic management of the patient. This means physically making sure the patient is comfortable, pain free and symptoms well-controlled. Spiritually and emotionally, it means helping them make peace with a difficult diagnosis and prognosis.”
Nurse Daphne Ockhuis
“Palliative care also has long arms as it stretches out to the families of the patients too, in order to make sure that the families are well prepared for what is to come and supported by home-based care staff where necessary. By involving a palliative social worker, the families are counselled.”
Early delivery of palliative care reduces unnecessary hospital admissions and the use of overburdened health services.
Dealing with grief
Grief is a normal reaction to loss, explains Sister Dina Langley. She is a palliative care nurse at the St Martín de Porres Catholic Church in Bishop Lavis.
Langley says that palliative care integrates the psychological, spiritual and cultural aspects of care while offering families support system to help them cope during terminal illness.
“When you grieve, it is part of the normal process of reacting to a loss in your life. You may experience grief as a mental, physical, social, or emotional reaction,” she says.
When someone experiences loss, they may experience different stages of grief. “As palliative care workers, we are there to support you at every stage and to refer you for mental health support,” says Langley.
She adds that it is important to remember that everyone’s grieving process is different and there is no right or wrong way to grieve.
Common symptoms of grief include:
- Shock, denial and disbelief;
- Panic and confusion;
- Feeling overwhelmed;
- Difficulty concentrating or remembering things;
- Anger and hostility;
- Withdrawing from others; and
- Changes in appetite or sleep patterns.
The grief stages are used to understand the process of grieving. They include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
“It is common for those who are grieving to experience these emotional reactions,” says Langley.
Needing help or assistance does not make you weak. While grief is a normal experience, it can cause great distress and affect every part of your life.
There are other ways that you can cope with grief. Langley shares the following steps to cope with grief:
- Talking to someone: Try to stay connected to those around you. Share how you’re feeling.
- Exercising: Move your body, get outside.
- Look after yourself: Relaxation exercise can help if you are struggling to sleep.
- Seek help: Do not hesitate to ask for help if you think you need it. Visit your clinic.
- Do not use drugs or alcohol: Make healthy choices to protect you in the long run.
- Be kind to yourself: Grieving is not an easy process. Give yourself time to feel better and seek professional support if you feel overwhelmed.
Family support is crucial
Being a carer for someone with a serious condition can be exhausting. A patient’s loved ones will be important during this process, but it is equally important for family members to support caregivers living with patients.
“Our services are not limited to the patient who is ill. We have also ensured that the affected family members are coping. For instance, we may ask the caregiver at home if they’re coping financially. Many times, you find that a child may resign from work to care for their parent. This can add pressure financially,” she says.
“It’s important that the primary caregiver is not overwhelmed and receives adequate support. This means allowing the caregiver time off. Everyone’s mental health is important is this process.”
ALSO READ: The thing about grief – to overcome you must face it
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