We all want connection. We all want to be seen, to be truly known, to be treasured and to feel valued. As women, (and men) we especially look for this in relationships, and sometimes we fall into the trap of trying to make a physical relationship into an intimate one. But there’s more to intimacy.
Well, it takes intimacy to build a long-lasting relationship in the sack and beyond. This is according to celebrity doctor Dr Mthembeni Tebelele. He joins this episode of the Health For Mzansi podcast for a two-part series on intimacy in the month of love.
Tebelele is based in Gqeberha, and is a general practitioner with more than 20 years of experience in family medicine.
Where trust and sex link
Typically, we tend to think about trusting our partners in the context of their relationship with their ex, nights out, and text messages. But in reality, trust extends beyond the surface level of what they’re doing and who they’re doing it with. You need to trust your partner on a much deeper level when it comes to intimacy and sex, says Tebelele.
“You cannot expect someone to trust you if you do not have qualities that are worth trusting,” he says.
To be truly relaxed you have to genuinely trust the person you’re being intimate with. “It begins with you, what you give is what you get, what you get is what you give, relationships are a two-way process.”
Get a grip on intimacy
Intimacy is an invisible link between people who desire to make a lasting connection. The connection you feel because of sex can sometimes be one-sided, but it takes two people to create intimacy. Both parties have to be vulnerable, open and committed to each other.
“It is very difficult to build trust. If you start off with transparency, it is like you are giving the person a window to your life, to who you are and so forth. That is a building block, it is a foundation toward trust because they are a stranger to you, and you are also a stranger to him or her. Once you start coming clean those are the fine building blocks of trust. It starts with you.”
Listen to the full interview on Sisters Without Shame
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