Having sex too young can cause both physical and emotional problems, health experts warn, and they recommend teens wait until they’re mature enough to have sex. The timing will be different for each teen and the reasons behind teens taking the plunge too early vary, but the consequences are the same.
According to a student counsellor from the University of KwaZulu-Natal (UKZN) Sandile Radebe, teens do not develop at the same time or at the same age. Some begin early, while others begin later.
However, he emphasises the need of addressing sexuality and safe sex with your teens as early as possible as you may never know when they have started dating.
‘Sex is a feature of relationships’
Anga Mafenuka (17), a first-year student at the University of the Western Cape (UWC), feels that sex plays a significant part in relationships. He says sex may contribute to the development of intimacy between love couples.
When two people are in love, they do trust one another with their bodies and energies. When someone you love denies sex without expressing their reasons, there is a lot to consider, he says, such as if you are simply a person to pass the time or if you have been friend-zoned.
“In a relationship, there must be limits established by both sides. If not, there could be a misunderstanding and that will surely lead to infidelity and so on.
Health For Mzansi reader Anga Mafenuka
“However, I feel it would be really challenging to be in a relationship with someone who just imposes boundaries without asking the other person to comprehend the reasoning behind them.”
Mafenuka adds that he also lacks the ability to communicate openly with his partner. This is often induced by fear, whether you are gambling with your life or in a relationship with someone who might split up with you in the next hour and disclose your confidential issues.
“I can’t stay with you if we’ve been dating for five months, and you still don’t trust me to have sex with you.”
‘Safe sex is the best option’
Azakhiwe Bizela Nomtoto (18), from Grahamstown’s GADTRA matric school in the Eastern Cape, feels that sex at their age is only a performance.
She explains that social pressure might play a role when you have heard that your peers have had sex and now you feel like you’re missing out on something.
“We only have sex because we’ve seen it on pornographic websites, and we always feel compelled to do it because they seem to enjoy it.”
She continues by saying that safe sex is the best option. Practising safe sexual behaviour may protect people from several illnesses and infections.
She wishes that every person in her peer group would consider, whenever they are about to have sex, that if this person is able to have unprotected sex with them and is willing to gamble with their life in this manner, how many other people have they done this to?
“I believe that the majority of adolescents avoid discussing HIV testing and HIV as an illness in their relationships because we are so uninformed about it. I believe it should be a priority and one of the first topics of communication when beginning a relationship.”
‘Relationships should not compromise our privacy’
Anakho Gunya (19), a second-year student at Fort Hare University in the Eastern Cape, believes it is important to understand each other’s needs before having sex.
“Before being sexually connected, I believe it is important to develop feelings for one another.”
Health For Mzansi reader Anakho Gunya
Even though her peers her age would say there should be no sex at all in a relationship, she thinks that is just a myth. She continues by saying that a devoted partner would respect their partner’s boundaries and seek to understand their rationale for setting them.
“Sometimes I think guys and gals should both be straightforward with their motives. Some people merely want to run faster after sex, while others are able to articulate exactly what they want out of each relationship.”
Sex conversation is crucial parents!
Radebe says that his master’s thesis focused on early and unintended pregnancy. He believes that adolescents believe that being in a relationship entails having sexual interactions with them.
“There is confusion between accepting to be someone’s partner and agreeing to sexual interactions. Many of them may even become unintentionally pregnant.”
Radebe says we must be quite clear about what sex is and what love is.
“You may agree to be in a romantic relationship with someone, but not necessarily to have sexual contact with them.”
Radebe argues that there may be apprehension on the part of teens; apprehension that they would be denied sex, and that their partners may seek other people with whom they can engage in sexual activity.
Another concept that must be addressed is showing love through sexual activity. When talking about the topic of sex and intimacy, since many teenage pregnancies are caused by females expressing their love for their lovers, it is important to note that many teenage pregnancies are the result of girls proving their love for their boyfriends.
And always, safety should come first.
ALSO READ: Let’s talk about sex: What’s your magic number?
Get the Health For Mzansi newsletter: Your bi-weekly dose of kasi health, wellness and self-care inspiration.
