Perplexed from East London….
I have been married for eight years. We met in high school and have had a happy life so far. We may not be the most loving marriage, but it is steady, non-violent and committed. We have a son who is six. Last year I had Covid and struggled with long symptoms that affected my immunity. This opened the door to a very violent genital herpes attack.
My doctor explained that herpes can be dormant for years without you noticing. But I am 38! My husband says he never cheated. I believe him but I have also been faithful. It has put a strain on our relationship and caused me to lose trust in him as I cannot stop wondering if he is lying. Our sex life has stopped too. I am embarrassed and angry. Please help.
My dearest Perplexed
Never thought I would ever tell a woman to give a man the benefit of the doubt, but we are here now. Give that man the benefit of the doubt. And before you come for me, hear me out.
Couples can deal with herpes outbreaks successfully. There’s science and your doctor also verified this.
Herpes is a common ailment, and while there may be no known cure, there are treatments available that can prevent (and even shorten) outbreaks. And it turns out that herpes can lie dormant in the body for long periods before symptoms appear, so when you experience your first outbreak this does not necessarily mean that you were recently infected.
Now this hanky panky hiatus is a big problem for Liewe Lulu, because who’s bright idea was it?
I know that there is a lot of stigma around sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) and herpes is one of those that bears the brunt of stigmatisation. Fear and confusion around herpes stems from a lot of misinformation and general lack of knowledge.
But living with herpes just means having safer sex. Which should be standard procedure.
Some couples have sexual relationships for years without transmitting herpes just by avoiding sexual contact during outbreaks, using condoms regularly and using treatments like suppressive antiviral therapy to reduce outbreaks.
I think you need to have another conversation with your doctor and I do hope you will do it soon.
If you still cannot bring yourself to believe him then I think we need to rebuild some trust. This will take some forgiveness and some trips to testing facilities, as well as appointments with medical and relationship counsellors who can help to navigate this very tricky issue.
Also Liewe Lulu loves love in all its forms, but to celebrate a nonviolent man? Again this should be standard procedure in a loving union. This can never be a thing in 2022 please.
Write to Liewe Lulu
Liewe Lulu has moved from Food For Mzansi, where she used to help readers in agriculture with their love life. Now, you can follow her here on Health For Mzansi. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
