Waiting for Baby Blue from Johannesburg writes…
Liewe Lulu…
I think my best friend has been trapped into having a baby. My friend let’s call him “Tshepo” is one of the best people I know. He is funny, has a heart of gold, and is very responsible and loyal. We met at university and ended up working together as nurses at Bara. A few years ago, he started dating “Thandeka.” She has always talked about having babies. I sometimes got the vibe that she wants to use Tshepo as a father and a sperm donor rather than a partner to build a life with. She is in her late 30’s. She has pushed him about having kids and getting married even when he said he was not sure about the relationship. She sometimes says weird out-of-pocket things like “what if I stopped taking my birth control and didn’t tell you?” He has talked about calling it quits but Covid-19 and rising costs have forced him to keep things going. I fear she may have done just that because she is pregnant. Tshepo seems excited but has said that it is a massive surprise for him. I know he will be a wonderful father, but I cannot help but think about the things he says when she is not around. How do I continue to support him in this new stage while my gut is telling me that the mother of his child may have trapped him?
My Dearest Baby Suss…
You have two options here. Option one: if you are so pressed by Aus Thandeka and genuinely believe that she is a bad fit for your friend and up to something – then you can say something you know.
Talk to Tshepo, just be cautious not to make very judgmental comments.
If you are upset and suspicious, chances are your feelings about your friend’s partner are likely about your relationship and yourself than they are about that person.
You can say “hey Mr T, I am concerned about this behaviour I have noticed from Miss T, or I am uncomfortable with the fact the Miss T does ABC… How does it impact you?”
If you bring it up, use specific behaviour examples rather than generalize and bring up your suspicions to illustrate your concerns.
Communicate with your whole chest. Be intentional.
Also, brace yourself for the response. Bear in mind that it is your friend’s relationship. It is not about how you feel. Tshepo has actively decided to remain in the relationship. He has also decided to be a father to this baby.
Deal with it.
And then there is option two: You just support him by…wait for it! Being happy for him! If he is excited about having a baby, just go with it.
Liewe Lulu gets that you are feeling suss about how this baby came to be but there is nothing you can do about those feelings at this point. You are going to be a fun aunt! Rejoice, there is honestly nothing more rewarding.
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Liewe Lulu is Health For Mzansi’s agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
