Axed wife from Mamelodi writes…
My hubby has been messaging his ex-wife throughout our relationship and has been hiding it from me.
I found a message from her on his phone early in the relationship – and when I asked him about it, he said that they were still friends and that he would not stop communicating with her. I let it go but I have been struggling to trust him.
I have gone through his phone many times and I found flirtatious messages from his ex-wife and an ex from back in the day. Every time I confronted him about it, he would apologise. For a while, I couldn’t find any more messages on his WhatsApp or any more SMSs from them. That is until recently when I looked through his phone, I looked on his Instagram and chains of messages from his ex-wife and his ex-girlfriend in his inbox. I have never been angrier, I asked him when last he contacted either of them, and he said that he was not cheating on me.
I guess my question is Lulz, should I call the ex-wife and ask her why she is sending my husband raunchy messages? I want to know if these messages are friendly or sexual. I don’t plan on yelling at her I just want to know.
My dearest Axed Wife…
Woohsah.
Do not text those women. It’s already hard to defend men but your husband was transparent when he told you that he maintained a friendship with his exes. The problem is that you decided to let this go. You said you were cool with it. And you lied to yourself.
This is not about who your hubby is in contact with or not. It is about the fact that you feel something is not quite right. Pay attention to those feelings and let’s explore them.
Your current situation makes for a very unpleasant cycle for the both of you. One where he feels the need to hide his friendship with his exes from you and one where you do not trust this man.
Trust is fundamental in a relationship.
For you guys to have a future, you need to be able to trust him with your fears and know he will try to understand them. He should not only respect them, but he should also affirm them. A relationship where you doubt both him and yourself will eventually exhaust you.
Communicate.
I would encourage you and your hubby to seek counselling to figure out the best way you can develop effective communication strategies rather than going through your husband’s phone.
Love, light and healing.
ALSO READ: There’s more to self-esteem than clicks and likes
Get the Health For Mzansi newsletter: Your bi-weekly dose of kasi health, wellness and self-care inspiration.
Write to Liewe Lulu
Liewe Lulu is Health For Mzansi’s agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
