Holiday Blues from Gqeberha writes..
Liewe Lulu…
I am feeling anxious about the New Year. I lost my husband between the end of last year and the New Year festivities. He had a stroke and was hospitalised during this period. He died on New Year’s Day.
As we get closer to ending the year, I feel overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t want to go to any gatherings but my family insists that I get out more. I feel like running away but where can I go without a lot of party stuff going on? I am not in some deep depression and I’ve accepted my husband’s death. I miss him and just feel nervous and anxious and not in the mood for any festivities. Please help Lulz…
My dearest Blues
What you are feeling is absolutely normal. There is no handbook for grief. Healing is not linear.
It is possible for you to associate the New Year festivities with the death of your husband. There is no written rule that we must celebrate and get absolute hammered on this holiday. If you want to be home at this time, by all means do it. Might I suggest checking into a fancy hotel with a family member or friend on the day? Or even staying home and inviting a friend over for a drink or two.
You are allowed to feel afraid of what the new year might bring. We are allowed to worry about whether or not we can handle any more challenges.
When we grieve, it’s hard enough to live each day as it comes. It can be daunting to face a whole new year stretching out in front of us. Our current experience of emptiness and loneliness may make us reluctant to face a new year.
Keep these in mind
Hopefully as time goes by, the anxiety will lessen. I have a few other suggestions for how you can handle grief and New Year anxiety:
- Get your rest: Let’s not even lie, grief is exhausting. If you are exhausted from spending the whole year adapting to life without your loved one, focus on physical recovery. Maybe talk to your GP about how you can rebuild yourself physically.
- Peace of mind: Rid your mind of negative thoughts with positive affirmations about yourself. Listen to music, pray, read, cry and laugh.
- Tap into your hopes and desires: Find little ways to give yourself pleasure.
- Find a support group: Find a group of people who can listen to all of your memories about him.
- Live: Find the courage to flow into the future by living in the present. Do the best you can for yourself and others.
ALSO READ: Getting through grief after losing a loved one
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Liewe Lulu is Health For Mzansi’s agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
