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Health For Mzansi

Liewe Lulu: ‘New Year cheer makes me sad’

Every week Liewe Lulu will offer up her shoulder to cry on as she answers letters flooding in from across Mzansi. No issue is too small or too big, the no-holds-barred agony aunt has got plenty of tissues

by Noluthando Ngcakani
30th December 2022
in Liewe Lulu
Reading Time: 3 mins read
A A
Liewe Lulu: New Year cheer make me anxious

A grieving Bloemfontein mom wonders if it is appropriate to be jealous of her pregnant family member. She asks Liewe Lulu how to handle her feelings. Photo: Health For Mzansi

Holiday Blues from Gqeberha writes..

Liewe Lulu…

I am feeling anxious about the New Year. I lost my husband between the end of last year and the New Year festivities. He had a stroke and was hospitalised during this period. He died on New Year’s Day.

As we get closer to ending the year, I feel overwhelmingly anxious. I don’t want to go to any gatherings but my family insists that I get out more. I feel like running away but where can I go without a lot of party stuff going on? I am not in some deep depression and I’ve accepted my husband’s death. I miss him and just feel nervous and anxious and not in the mood for any festivities. Please help Lulz…

My dearest Blues

What you are feeling is absolutely normal. There is no handbook for grief. Healing is not linear.

It is possible for you to associate the New Year festivities with the death of your husband. There is no written rule that we must celebrate and get absolute hammered on this holiday. If you want to be home at this time, by all means do it. Might I suggest checking into a fancy hotel with a family member or friend on the day? Or even staying home and inviting a friend over for a drink or two.

via GIPHY

You are allowed to feel afraid of what the new year might bring. We are allowed to worry about whether or not we can handle any more challenges.

When we grieve, it’s hard enough to live each day as it comes. It can be daunting to face a whole new year stretching out in front of us. Our current experience of emptiness and loneliness may make us reluctant to face a new year.

Keep these in mind

Hopefully as time goes by, the anxiety will lessen. I have a few other suggestions for how you can handle grief and New Year anxiety:

  • Get your rest: Let’s not even lie, grief is exhausting. If you are exhausted from spending the whole year adapting to life without your loved one, focus on physical recovery. Maybe talk to your GP about how you can rebuild yourself physically.
  • Peace of mind: Rid your mind of negative thoughts with positive affirmations about yourself. Listen to music, pray, read, cry and laugh.
  • Tap into your hopes and desires: Find little ways to give yourself pleasure.
  • Find a support group: Find a group of people who can listen to all of your memories about him.
  • Live: Find the courage to flow into the future by living in the present. Do the best you can for yourself and others.

ALSO READ: Getting through grief after losing a loved one

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Write to Liewe Lulu

Liewe Lulu is Health For Mzansi’s agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.

Tags: Festive seasonGrieflossNew Year
Noluthando Ngcakani

Noluthando Ngcakani

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HIV and initiation: Supporting boys through cultural rites Security fails as gangs target Eastern Cape clinics Dr Makanya blends spiritual healing with art therapy Canola oil: A heart-healthy choice for your kitchen No more pain! Tackle the torment of toothaches How smoking causes harmful bacteria in your mouth Discover delicious, healthy dishes that will make your heart sing Rediscover the joy of creamy pap with chicken livers