Flushed Away from Pietermaritzburg writes...
I am almost 35 and dating a woman in her 40s. For the four years we have dated, she has been going through a divorce and I have helped her through it. She finalised her divorce a couple of months ago. Her relationship with her ex started when she was still in her teens and they have a ten-year-old son together.
Their relationship was volatile and also violent. We have a lot in common and I love spending time with her but our relationship has been turbulent. We have split up three times because she would get upset but never want to have a conversation to sort it out afterwards.
She is very short-tempered and can go from zero to 100 in the blink of an eye. Our most recent argument was our last. She told me to pack up my things and get out. Lulz, I love her more than I can explain. I am not her ex and would never hurt her. When I left she said that she wanted to be left alone. After all the time I have put into this relationship, I was crushed. We still follow each other on social media. Should I give up and move on?
My dearest Flushed
When a woman with a short fuse who goes from zero to 100 in the blink of an eye tells you that they do not want to continue a relationship with you and never wanted a relationship, believe them. It was not the first time, and it won’t be the last.
Take a hint.
She did not mince her words and made her feelings clear as daylight. Look for someone who will appreciate the love and kindness that you have to offer.
While it is possible to create a safe environment for your partner and show them a relationship that is not built on violence, it is not easy to heal from abusive relationships, and it is especially hard to explore something new with the baggage of previous trauma.
You have to know that being in an abusive relationship leaves scars even after the wounds have healed. She needs out, and you do too. I suggest she gets some counselling to work through her trauma. If you love her as much as you say, let this survivor go through her motions in peace.
Love and light!
Get help
If you were a victim of gender-based violence, the following organisations offer access to resources, information, support, legal advice and emotional support.
- Tears Foundation: 010 590 5920
- The Trauma Centre for Survivors: 021 4657373
- People Opposed to Women Abuse: 011 591 6803
- Families South Africa: 011 975 7106/7
ALSO READ: Rape survivor shines through tough times
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Write to Liewe Lulu
Liewe Lulu is Health For Mzansi’s agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
