Locked Out from Cape Town writes…
I get the feeling that I am sharing my bed with a dishonest man. I turned 32 this year and he is nine years my senior. We have been together for seven years. I love him. He is smart, ambitious, and funny and has helped me grow in ways I could have never imagined. He is a father of three and has a baby mama he broke up with when we started seeing each other.
When we met he assured me that it was over. But I always feared that I might accidentally come across his wedding photos on a Twitter feed. Lately I feel like I am going crazy. I found a used condom in our car and he is always on his phone, whispering to someone when I am not in the room. When I ask about these things, he says that I overthinking things and that it is all in my head. He also says that if I keep accusing him of something then he might as well do it since that is what I believe.
I just have a funny feeling. Do I leave because of this? Or do I stick it out?
My Dearest Locked…
Bathong were you not born with eyes to see? Is this man an ophthalmologist or a optometrist who are trained professionals who have the authority to tell you if your eyes are medically funky or not?
“Dilo di changitse” and not in a good way!
To lie and then gaslight you should be a punishable offence! I don’t think that Liewe Lulu will ever understand how a person who once claimed to love you can hurt you in the worst possible ways. A cheater will gaslight you because they don’t want their partner to know what they are doing, or to try and stop it.
And Miss Girl, the red flags are there; they are deliberate and concrete things you can touch.
Now sip on this. Firstly, you are not crazy and secondly, this man is just an asshole. Seven years is long time for you to be this uncertain in the relationship, and it’s time to act.
Revisit the archives in your head and think long and hard about all the things he has done to make you feel “paranoid” and “crazy”. Then ask yourself if it is worth continuing a relationship with this person who is blatantly disrespectful to you and your feelings (and your working eyes).
When you sense something is off, always trust your gut. Intuition is powerful, because it shaped by your past experiences and the knowledge or lessons you have gained.
Always trust your gut, all you have to do is decide. If you are seeking closure, then I suggest you talk to him but be serious in your mission for clarity. Also be prepared to hear things you will not like.
When you are in a loving relationship you should never be made to feel dismissed or have your feelings invalidated by the object of your affections.
Write to Liewe Lulu
Liewe Lulu has moved from Food For Mzansi, where she used to help readers in agriculture with their love life. Now, you can follow her here on Health For Mzansi. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
