Suicidal thoughts are a heavy burden that many people carry, often in silence, leaving them with a battle between the desire to escape the pain through death and the will to hold on to hope. Health For Mzansi shares the heart-wrenching journey of those who have had suicidal thoughts and survived.
‘I just wanted to die’
Nosipho Malinga from Newcastle in KwaZulu-Natal shares that she has been suicidal since the age of 10, mostly triggered by things that had been going on in her life at the time.
“I’d go through periods where I really hated my life and just wanted to die. I’d pray and beg God to just take me.”
Nosipho Malinga
“I later learned that this was depression and trauma-related. As I grew older, it seemed to heighten around the times when I’d be due for my period,” Malinga shares.
“I started going to therapy in my second year of university after experiencing heightened levels of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I knew I needed help, and at the time, it didn’t seem to help until I made a conscious decision last year to fully fight for my life, and yes, I’m still in therapy and working through the trauma and symptoms thereof.”
Malinga condones music, journaling, prayer, and having a gratitude routine where she finds three things she is grateful for every day and focuses on them as coping mechanisms.
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‘I was in a deep black hole’
For Nokukhanya Simelane from Kwa Nongoma in KwaZulu-Natal, losing those closest to her in a short period set her on a path of suicidal thoughts.
“I lost my dad, grandmother, and brother in one year, so I suffered from depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). I was struggling to come to terms with their deaths, so from time to time I would self-harm and have suicidal thoughts just to escape the reality of living with grief.”
Nokukhanya Simelane
The journey has been long and hard for Simelane, but she has found some solace and support through professional help.
“I’ve been in therapy for over four years, and I’ve been on antidepressants since the tragic losses. Being in therapy has saved me a lot of times, as has the medication I take as well.”
A Pretoria resident, who spoke to Health For Mzansi under anonymity, shared how stress and the pressure of not succeeding have led to various suicidal thoughts.
“My previous attempts to commit suicide were due to feeling like I have no purpose to live, like I’m just adding numbers to the world without doing anything that gives me joy and happiness. I was in a deep black hole where I could just see death as the only answer for me.
“I have sought professional help from a therapist, someone who was able to relate to my issues as a life-changing factor in their lives too, so it was easy to be able to share my experience. Having a hobby, such as music, also helped as a coping mechanism, as did exercising.”
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Fuelled by mood conditions
Suicidal thoughts can mean thoughts about ending your life, feeling that people would be better off without you, thinking about methods of suicide, or thinking out plans to take your own life.
Psychiatrist Vuyani Nxumalo from Midrand explains that suicidal thoughts or attempts are often associated with mood conditions like bipolar disorder and depression.
He explains that psychotic disorders, where one would have commanding voices telling them to kill themselves, as well as personality conditions like borderline personality, can also lead to persistent suicidal thoughts.
Highlighting the gravity of the situation, Nxumalo points to alarming statistics: “The latest data from the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (Sadag) indicate that at least 23 completed suicides occur per day in South Africa, especially in the post-Covid era, with around 200 attempts daily.”
Look out for warning signs
Nxumalo emphasises the importance of being vigilant about the following warning signs:
- Isolation or withdrawal from others.
- Loss of interest in things used to do or like.
- Low mood.
- Crying most of the time.
- Talking about no future and hopelessness.
- Talking about dying.
Various life events and conditions can also increase the risk of suicidal thoughts and behaviours. According to him, these include:
- Recent loss of loved ones, divorce, or separation (relationship).
- Financial stressors (in debt).
- Legal stressors.
- Loss of a job.
- Previous or ongoing trauma (physical, sexual, emotional).
- Diagnosis of a chronic or severe illness.
“In addition to these stressors, several mental health conditions are closely linked to an increased risk of suicide, such as major depressive disorders, adjustment disorders, grief, bipolar disorders, personality disorders like borderline personality disorder, and psychotic disorders such as schizophrenia.”
Effective treatment for those experiencing suicidal thoughts often involves a combination of therapy and medication. Nxumalo outlines the main treatment approaches as therapy (psychotherapy) for an individual or group and medication to treat mental conditions.
Get help here
Nxumalo stresses the importance of utilising available resources for immediate support, such as:
- South African Depression and Anxiety Group: 0800 567 567.
- Personal Psychologists: Reach out to a known psychologist if available.
- Local health facilities: Any nearby casualty or health facility can assist.
“You can have ongoing suicidal thoughts in cases like personality disorders; hence, ongoing therapy is important.”
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