Podcast: Is the fear of intimacy holding you back?

Fear of intimacy can sabotage your relationships. Life coach Kgaogelo Photoane explains how it works and why seeking help is key to breaking free

Have you ever craved a close relationship but are afraid to let people in? This is fear of intimacy. Life and relationship coach Kgaogelo Photoane defines it as when people avoid any situation that can lead them to be emotionally connected to someone.

“The fear of intimacy can impact our ability to create healthy and fulfilling relationships that we need for ourselves as well. It can result in difficulties with trust and emotional intimacy, and it can also affect communication.”

Not letting people in

“Because you’re not letting people know your true emotions, your true feelings, and your true thoughts, it stops you from developing deep connections with other people. This also leads to isolation because you’re not allowing other people in, but you’re not also knowing other people truly.”

Photoane emphasises that people need to normalise therapy and counselling and find ways to work through past experiences and underlying issues that may contribute to that particular fear of intimacy.

“People need to be very self-aware. You need to recognise and acknowledge that the fear of intimacy exists. You cannot heal what you do not acknowledge. It is a challenging but very rewarding process because with self-awareness comes having to sit down with yourself and actually go through what it is that has caused you to have a fear of intimacy.

“So that can mean reliving something that has happened to you or going back into an experience that you blocked out of your mind. But you need to sit down with those uncomfortable feelings and understand where these things come from.”

Additionally, she says it is okay to take things one step at a time and advises practising self-compassion, being kind to yourself, and considering seeking help.