When young boys aren’t taught about safe sex or how to protect themselves from HIV, they’re left in the dark. For young men living with HIV, the stigma is heavy and can be crushing, and losing their dignity during the important rite of traditional circumcision is the final blow.
Azola Sulelo from Mfuleni, Cape Town, shares that he wasn’t born HIV positive, but some life choices led him to contract the virus at a young age.
“I’m pretty sure I got HIV from ‘gangbang’ sex. The gangbangs weren’t forced; it was just an agreement, often teaming up with friends to approach girls for group sex,” he explains.
“I didn’t know much about sex, or the risks involved; I was just a boy trying to fit in.”
He tells Health for Mzansi that he didn’t have a girlfriend, but only those casual unsafe sex activities.
In 2011, at just 17, he found out he was HIV positive after dealing with a migraine for a couple of weeks. When he visited the doctor, they suspected tuberculosis (TB).
“The doctor sent me to the nearest hospital, and it turned out I had mycobacterium tuberculosis. I was then referred to a clinic to start TB treatment.”
A health worker suggested he get tested for HIV too, and the results came back positive.
“That was a huge shock for me. In that moment, I had to decide between life and death while thinking about how I might have contracted HIV.”
Sulelo was quickly advised to start counselling and take antiretroviral treatment (ARVs). He also received TB treatment.
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Balancing tradition and health
When he got home, Sulelo says he told his mother and aunt. “Disclosing to my family wasn’t hard. They understood and supported me.”
Two years later, he had to attend the initiation school. “I told myself that if I wasn’t allowed to take my medication, then I would remain a boy.”
Sulelo disclosed his status to the traditional council.
“I wasn’t the first case. They told me about other boys who were born HIV-positive, so I took my ARVs with me.”
He explains that the journey wasn’t as difficult as he had imagined, though taking his ARVs in the bush did present challenges. He experienced severe heartburn.
“It was probably because I had to take the pills without water, due to certain restrictions during the initiation process.”
He notes that his family made it easy for him to have his own ibhuma (initiate shelter). It allowed him to avoid forced disclosure.
Struggling for acceptance
His biggest challenges started when he had to go back into society.
After initiation, Sulelo returned to Cape Town to continue his studies. While he had made peace with everything, being ikrwala (newly initiate) who visits the clinic carries its own stigma, he notes.
Sulelo was studying at the time and says when he reported to his lecturer that he had gone to the clinic, the lecturer announced it to the class. There were other new initiates from the Xhosa tribe in the room who mocked him.
He explains how everything changed for him after that. “The confidence and strength I had to live with HIV and take ARVs became my biggest challenge.”
He admits that his sense of manhood was crushed, causing him to become isolated and, even though he wanted to explain why he was at the clinic, he felt it wouldn’t make any difference. To them, visiting the clinic meant you couldn’t finish the traditional process the “right” way, which painted him as “weak”.
“I was the laughingstock at college; Xhosa men would even use me as an example for the new initiates, saying, ‘Look at this one who went to the clinic!’
“I hated being part of the Xhosa tribe, I hated the tradition, I hated HIV, ARVs, and life itself. I mean, what was the point of living if I wasn’t seen as man enough?”
Dating and vulnerability
Sulelo says he dated several women after that, always making sure to have condoms on hand. “I was dating out of frustration. I was in my hoe era.”
Disclosing his HIV status wasn’t part of the plan until he met a woman who meant everything to him. “We dated for two years, and I was scared to disclose.”
He recalls a scene from the TV drama Muvhango, where Rendani met a man living with HIV.
Sulelo found the strength to disclose his status after asking his partner how she felt about the whole process. “Her openness made me feel like she deserved to know.”
They eventually separated in 2015 but not because of HIV; rather, it was due to other life challenges.
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Living out loud
Sulelo notes that he was part of the Fees Must Fall movement and was suspended for three years while he was in his second year of nursing. Over the years, he faced many challenges and decided to join a church.
“While I was at the church, I was hopeful about being fully accepted, but church has its own politics.”
This journey took a turn when he openly shared his HIV status. “I celebrated ten years of living with HIV and taking ARVs in 2021, and I started posting about my status on social media.
“Not everyone at church reacted positively; I was even told to stop talking about my status.”
Despite this, Sulelo continued living positively with HIV, and founded an organisation called the Men Panel Beating Institute, focusing on healing and encouraging young men, especially boys, to accept their status, take ARVs, and confront stigma.
“I know there is someone out there dealing with this alone. Someone who has been told that being a man means being strong. I believe true strength is taking care of your health too.”
Now, after three years, he is back in school, doing his second year of nursing at the Western Cape College of Nursing. He notes that while his organisation is currently on pause, once he completes his studies, he plans to conduct power talks to inspire and heal, especially young men like himself.
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