Stop the shame game: Your clothes, your choice

From sordid remarks to accusations, women are subjected to intense scrutiny and judgment based on what they wear. A psychosocial therapist explains how this harmful trend impacts self-esteem and confidence and leads to victim blaming

The simple act of choosing an outfit can unexpectedly become a breeding ground for victim blaming and shaming.

From the streets to social media, women are frequently shamed and judged according to what they wear, with their fashion choices being misconstrued as an invitation for harassment, abuse, or even violence.

Although fashion has evolved, psychosocial therapist Nkuli Tleane from Johannesburg emphasises that fashion choices are not a reflection of a woman’s worth or consent.

“Fashion has evolved in a way that people tend to dress more, revealing more. There’s body positivity that is going around, especially for women. But then that comes to a point where other people who didn’t grow up in this era believe that the way some women dress is not appropriate and done to invite uninvited guests,” she explains.

Victim shaming

“If something happens in terms of a sexual assault or even just name-calling, they wonder why they are shocked because they believe they purposely went out and looked for it and excuse it with how they dressed. It’s almost like you went out and looked to be assaulted or to be raped in other instances, which is incorrect.”

She explains that victim blaming or shaming due to fashion choices can lead to a lack of confidence and self-esteem.

“If I’m confident about who I am, but I keep on getting negative responses, or if I go out and people say negative things about the way I look, then it can start chipping into your self-esteem, into your confidence, and into who you are.

“If someone is dressed in a way that they want to be dressed, it’s not in our business. We need to train our thoughts and our eyes. If I’ve got nothing to say that is good, I need to keep quiet or I need to engage it in such a way that it’s healthy and have conversations rather than saying something judgmental.”

Tleane underlines that we need to think about how our language has to change in terms of speaking about body and fashion sense. “It’s important to understand the self-love and the self-confidence that you have, and no one should be diminishing that light.”