Liewe Lulu…
I am just now coming to accept that sex is just not for me. I am 30-year-old man and work long hours as a nurse in Klerksdorp. I have been confused and ashamed about this and tried to be more normal and the feelings are just not going away.
I can’t say that I have no sex drive, but I can tell that it is not as high as that of my peers. This makes me feel ashamed. I have had sex, but I think it is the desire to be close to someone that I am more into. I like to cuddle but it seems that there is always an expectation of more and I am scared that I cannot deliver on that part. I am a man wanting a relationship where sex is not a thing that happens much. Affection, foot rubs, cooking dinner and cuddling are some things that I would like to do in a relationship. I have shared this with my friends, but they have made fun of me and said that I am not a man.
Am I a freak? Do you think this could ever work?
My Dearest Hands Off
I think you have a pretty compelling case on your hands, babes. You know your own mind, don’t experience sexual desire and you have no interest in developing sexual desires for anyone. You are indifferent. Be you and embrace it.
Liewe Lulu would never label you a freak! She does suspect that you may be asexual though. Again be you and embrace the sh*t out of it.
Sex can get messy, (emotions and all) but I also think that it is supposed to pleasurable experience and both parties should be able to enjoy it. If you don’t, you don’t. Period.
You can make it work with the right person. And when you do find your own potential unicorn in these messy, messy streets be open and honest about your needs.
Disclosing to your partner that you are asexual can be a difficult conversation to have. The fear of rejection is very real and felt by many. But through basic education on asexuality and being open to questions, you may lessen the fear and pressure of disclosing your orientation.
Now, on to your garbage “friends”. What does it mean to be a man in 2022 anyways? I mean we can’t still be boxing ourselves in like this, not in a pandemic.
Sexual desire can be such a significant and rewarding component of people’s lives that it is difficult for them to understand that someone else might experience it differently or not at all. You hold firm and be clear about your sexuality.
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Liewe Lulu is Food For Mzansi’s agri agony aunty. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
