Lost In The Wind from Johannesburg writes….
I am feeling lost after my first heartbreak. I was dating this guy for three years and we even lived together and planned a future together. Everything was lovely and beautiful, and I was the happiest I have ever been – until a girl from his past came back. Long story short, I trusted him, and I shouldn’t have. I can’t help but blame myself.
We met at university and after we finished and got jobs, I moved to his hometown and don’t know what is keeping me here. I feel stuck. I recently started a health journey but other than that I don’t know how I can keep going on with my life.
My friends are his friends so I am lonely, and don’t know who I can talk to. My family and I aren’t all that close. I don’t know where my life is headed anymore. How do I get to the next and better part of my life?
My sweetest Lost,
Come rest on Liewe Lulu’s bosom and let me give you a tight hug. Or a Panado? You know science says that pain relievers work on emotional and physical pain. A big glass of bubbly is also effective in my books! *Just don’t have them at the same time. Please Miss Lost, it is bad for your liver.
On a scale of 1 to excruciating, getting your heart broken is a solid “absolutely harrowing”. We have all been there at some point, left wondering how we will get over it. And it’s not that simple.
There is no sure-fire way to “get over it” or a handbook on how to avoid our hearts getting shredded by some asshole on this Earth. But there are ways you can go through it, even if right now, you don’t believe you will ever be happy again.
Heartbreaks are tricky. One day you’re numb from the pain and it starts to fade for a bit, and then the next, bam! – it creeps back up when you’ve find his old boxers hidden in your wardrobe.
Healing is not linear, my love bug. It’s full of twists, turns and zigzags. You just have to go through it. The health journey is good for you. Starting a journal documenting the heartbreak process is good for you. Flirting with some new man on Tinder is good for you. Talking to your family again is good for you and therapeutic. You never know what pearls of wisdom your mother, or grandmother has to offer up that can bring some kind of comfort knowing that it gets better.
It all gets better with time. Allow yourself to feel your feels, just don’t become them.
Clinical psychologist Evelyn Beneke says that it is important for us to express our feelings but also important for us to stop short of becoming them. If you feel sad, let yourself wallow for a specified length of time – let’s say an hour – where you cry, scream, yell, dance, whatever you need to do to let your emotions out. But just in that freaking hour. When your 60 minutes are up, move on and do something else.
If you need to talk to a health professional like a psychologist or a counsellor, I think that the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) is a great first step into the right direction.
ALSO READ: Liewe Lulu: I have become green with jealousy
Write to Liewe Lulu
Liewe Lulu has moved from our sister publication, Food For Mzansi, where she used to help readers in agriculture with their love life. Now, you can follow her here on Health For Mzansi. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
