Doctor L-O-V-E from Phutaditjaba, Free State writes…
Liewe Lulu…
I am knocking on 40’s door and I think I am ready to build a home with a man who is ready to love me and be loved back. I have a son who is 10 and I am a doctor. Like the many women in my circle, we struggle to find love after becoming doctors. I have only been in long-term relationships twice in my life, with my son’s father and a man I dated after.
I find a common factor between those relationships was that they allowed for some unconventional dynamics in the relationship. I dated the father of my son in university and things changed when we started working, while the man I dated afterwards was insecure throughout and verbally abusive.
The men I have dated just weren’t confident and self-assured enough. My family also never made it easy for any man in my life. They believe a man must be the breadwinner and treat anyone who they believe is not on my level badly. When I introduced these men to my family it ended very badly. I haven’t dated anyone in the last five years. While I am very independent and secure, I am ready to put myself out there but don’t want to waste my time. How will I know when someone is ready for marriage?
My dearest Doctor L-O-V-E
Dating can be a cruel world. I wish I had a magic lamp that would give you what you are looking for in a big puff of smoke, but I don’t. I can offer advice though: continue looking, but don’t sit around in the waiting room for love.
Can we give your family a round of applause before we get into this tea though? Their hearts are in the right place and hey, they have saved you from lifetimes of time wasting and hurt from those dirtbags.
Count your lucky stars. Despite the new modern and accepted era of online dating and the fall of the adage that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, #bossladies worldwide still find it difficult to navigate the world of dating. We know a girls night out is just an opportunity for us to share our relationship failures and fears (and also compare battle scars). Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there. You will never find the right person by sitting at home.
But just because you are on 40s doorstep does not mean you have to rush into anything!
I think you should continue looking for someone who is as independent as you are and also someone who has the same needs as yours. Take time to get to know this person before you make the decision to introduce them to the people in your circle.
People do not always show you their true colours at the very onset of the relationship, they will burst through the love bubble a bit later. But what this means is that you need to take it one step at a time to get to know this person thoroughly.
You’ve had it rough with your two exes, but with some effort you should instead explore your lovers personality, dreams, and aspirations first. In the long run this will benefit you and save you a lot of heartache and problems.
ALSO READ: Liewe Lulu: I don’t think I like sex
Write to Liewe Lulu
Liewe Lulu has moved from Food For Mzansi, where she used to help readers in agriculture with their love life. Now, you can follow her here on Health For Mzansi. The content in this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical and/or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding any medical condition.
